Originally published May 09, 2020

One misconception I have dealt with repeatedly is that an invitation to someone’s home for a meal renders you helpless in your choices about what to put in your body. 

It’s a question folks ask wide-eyed as if they know *this* is the one that will break a vegan because an invitation to someone’s home means you must accept and you must eat what they serve you or else you are ungrateful and have bad manners and we wouldn’t want that, right?

Wrong.

The thing is, living a vegan lifestyle is a choice and one that we make every day. In the beginning when I was a vegetarian I ran into this sort of thing more often, but it still happens now and again. And the way I deal with it is to just be honest. Not condescending and no vegan flag waving, but honest. Sometimes I will just say, “Well…” and quite often the other person will say, “Oh, are you…?” and then you can fill in the blank. And then it all depends what happens next. Sometimes the person doing the inviting will say something like, “Oh, I have a wonderful vegan recipe for <whatever> and you can go from there. If it’s someone I trust or they seem to know what they’re talking about, I may take them up on it. If it’s someone I don’t know well, or if they say, “Well, you can just eat a little butter, right?” then I will say something like, “I really don’t want to put you out. Why don’t we go out somewhere together and then we can each order what we like?” and that often makes everyone happy as opposed to asking someone to cook for me and then worrying about what ingredients are in it!

I was in LA visiting my friend Tracey a few years ago. On the ride from the airport she told me a friend had invited us both to a dinner party that Friday night. Uh oh. I felt a tiny ding of panic, but I didn’t say anything for a few seconds because I didn’t want to be that person – you know, the one who flaunts the way they eat or the one who kept their friend in another city from a fun evening out, but…  luckily my friends know me well and Tracey read my mind immediately. “Oh, don’t even worry,” she said. “I already asked. It’s an Indian themed dinner and there will be dishes made without ghee for you.”

Ah.

And indeed there were. The party was small and intimate and there was plenty for me to eat. The host was lovely as were the other attendants. No one batted an eye when I asked which dishes were vegan and in fact, most of them were. The food was delicious and so was the company and I was so happy we’d been invited and gone along. What had the potential to be awkward turned out to be somewhat of a magical evening. I know it’s not always that way, though. I think more often than not these days folks are open when you hesitate to accept an invitation or bring up not eating animals, but sometimes you will get an attitude or an argument and it’s really okay to simply say, “I don’t eat that,” or “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me,” or whatever you want.

There's nothing that says you need to raise your voice or wave a bag of spinach around.

When someone asks something like, “Can’t you just have a little butter,” or “You can eat it just this once, right?” I always say, “Yes. I can. But I choose not to.” I love the word “choice” and veganism is really a choice. It’s not about being perfect, but it is about doing the best you can, even if the result is a raised eyebrow.

And what if that raised eyebrow one day leads to a raised level of consciousness…

- Lisa

 The vegan cobb salad at The Cheesecake Factory; a tasty, filling, and viable choice.