Originally published December 16, 2018

When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to order in a restaurant (or more commonly, a New York area diner) was a BLT – a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. When I stopped eating meat, I started ordering the sandwich without bacon which did feel a bit strange for a second and then perfectly normal. To me, anyway. Remembering the conversations I used to have with waitstaff, it definitely did not seem normal to them. 

Me: “I’d like a lettuce and tomato sandwich, please.”

Server: “One bacon, lettuce and tomato…”

Me: “No, just the lettuce and tomato, please.”

Server: “No bacon?”

Me: “No bacon.”

Server: “Ummmm. Uh. No bacon????”

Me: “No bacon.”

Server: “Just the lettuce and tomato?”

Me: “Just the lettuce and tomato.”

Server: “JUST the lettuce and tomato??”

Me: “With mayonnaise on toast, please.”

Server: “You don’t like bacon?”

Me: “I’m a vegetarian.”

Server: “You’re a…..”

Me: “Vegetarian.”

Server: “YOU’RE a vegetarian??”

Me: “Yes…”

Server: “Soooo JUST the lettuce and tomato? But. But. Uh. You can have ONE piece of bacon, can’t you…?”

And that’s how it would go.

Maybe this has happened to you where you just want to order your food and the person you are dealing with is not listening or not cooperating or somehow seems to think there needs to be animal products on every plate. Today it is a bit more common to ask for substitutions in restaurants, but you can still be met with this sort of situation where the server is just not getting it. Here are some of the best ways I have found to deal with this over the years:

1. Don’t say the word “vegan.” I know, I know, but trust me on this. Unless you are absolutely sure your server knows what it means, it’s best to just leave it out. The world is definitely waking up, but many servers just haven’t a clue. Apologies to those who do! But you’ll find waitstaff who think vegan means vegetarian, who think it means cheese (because they “know vegans who eat cheese!”), who think it means healthy, who think it means gluten free. They should know what it means, but so often they don’t, so just order what you want: “I’ll have a lettuce and tomato sandwich.” “I’ll have the quesadilla without the cheese.” “I’d like the avocado toast without the bacon.” If they press or ask directly, then I will say “vegan,” but other than that, I won’t.

2. If you’re not sure what’s in something, ask exactly that. Again, don’t say, “Is it  vegan?” or “Is there egg in it?” So many times the person you are dealing with is not informed or just wants to rush things along, and will tell you whatever it is they think it is you want to hear. Ask specifically, “What’s in it?” or “What are the ingredients?” If they ask you what you are worried about, again, ask directly. Don’t be shy. Be polite (always!), but firm. This way you get more of a straight answer and not just a yes or no or whatever they think you want. I’ve had way fewer slip-ups like this and many times the server will admit they didn’t know the ingredients and will go and check for you. (And you end up getting what you want instead of having to send it back again and again.)

3. If you’re going to a fancy restaurant or somewhere where you really have concerns, consider phoning ahead or stopping in to talk to a manager. I usually tell them “I’m coming to your restaurant with some friends or family and I *know* it’s not a vegan establishment…” and at that point they usually take over and ask how they can help you and what you want. Again, always be polite and non-confrontational. Most restaurants just want to make their customers happy and I have found that approaching them beforehand and explaining things yields better results than just showing up. Sometimes you even get a manager or a chef who sees this as a challenge and you end up with an awesome meal.

4. Always be polite and always check your food before you take a bite. Always! Don’t make a fuss if something is wrong, but kindly inform your server it’s not what you ordered. You are more likely to get proper service this way – save the venom for a chat to the manager after or for Yelp!

The world is waking up and it’s easier to eat in a non-vegan restaurant than ever before. It can still be tricky, but I definitely don’t get the same arguments or confusion as I got in the beginning. Bon appetite!

Breakfast enchiladas at all vegan diner Champs in Brooklyn, New York